Northern Tasmania (The Mainlander's Say It's Like Alabama) (17-24/2/09)

TUESDAY 17TH FEBRUARY

Today we’re leaving for Tasmania, Wynyard a small town on the north-west coast to be exact, to visit Pat the Australian we met in Viet Nam.
We arrive at the airport for our 12:05p.m flight and have a straight forward check-in. It’s something we’ve been longing for after the debacle in Bali. The flight is nice and comfortable, you get free TV for about 15 minutes after take-off and then they cut it off unless you pay AU$4.95. This enabled me to admire the view outside, even though I was still a little apprehensive. It is amazing; the Tasman Sea is as blue a sea as I’ve ever seen. You can also pick out the other islands to the north of Tasmania.
We land at Launceston airport; we’re 130 miles from Wynyard and the bus doesn’t leave until 17:00p.m, so we decide to hire a car. The car costs AU$550 (£260) for a 10 day hire, so it’s fairly cheap. It’s also automatic, so it’s like driving a dodgem.
It took us just over two hours to get to Wynyard, not bad considering we don’t know our way around. When we drove into Wynyard, it was like driving into 1950’s America. I’m not saying that in a derogatory way, it’s a nice change from all the identical towns you go to back in England. Our host for the next few days is Pat, and she’s there to greet us when we arrive. She shows us to ‘our’ room. It’s perfect, there’s a massive double bed with a huge soft duvet. After we’ve eaten and we’re settled in Pat goes through the house rules: 1) We have to buy our own food, 2) Clean up after yourself. That’s it. You can’t say fairer than that.

WEDNESDAY 18TH FEBRUARY

After the best night’s sleep ever we went for a wander around town. Everything is really old-fashioned and it really is picturesque. There isn’t loads to do in Wynyard itself, but that doesn’t matter as we’re here to take it easy and the car’s in the drive if we need to go anywhere.
The afternoon is spent shopping for food. It’s been over 4 months since we actually shopped for food like this and I still don’t like it. It gets better when I find real bacon and HP sauce: there is nothing better than bacon butty covered in brown sauce. When we get to the checkout and have to pay it comes to over AU$110, we’re only getting the essentials.
We spend a few hours in the RSL (it’s like the Legion back at home), having a pint (even though Australia’s supposed to be metric they know what a pint is) and playing on the pokies. We lost on the pokies: I don’t see the appeal, they’re not like the fruit machines at home, there’s no feature to keep you interested. It doesn’t seem to matter, the Aussies are mad for them, especially the old dears.

THURSDAY 19TH FEBRUARY

Today we went for a drive around the countryside. You can see how all the bushfires occurred in Victoria; even here in Tasmania all the fields are brown and dry so any excessive heat and they’ll just burn no problem.
We were supposed to visit a small town up the road called Burnie. However, I saw a sign for a town called Penguin so we had to investigate. The town is tiny, there’s a tourist information office and a couple of restaurants, that’s about it. There were some funny signs though: a Penguin Butchers ( they’re not endangered enough just yet), Penguin Hotel (no pets allowed)and Penguin market(I don’t know if there’s a big a call for penguins as there is cattle). We didn’t see any actual penguins though, they’re up the coast somewhere.
Afterwards we went to Burnie. It’s equally as small a town as Wynyard, it does though have a few more shops, and the odd fast food outlet if you really want it. We tried to get an Australian sim-card but the woman in the shop was rubbish and wasn’t bothered about helping us. We eventually got one from the local shop in Wynyard, it was exactly the same as the shop in Burnie but the bloke in the corner shop explained it better. That was the easy part. It took an hour to register our sim-card over the telephone as the young lad on the line couldn’t comprehend the fact that I didn’t have an Australian address and I didn’t have access to the internet. I explained that I was a backpacker, and asked him what happens to other people in this situation. He wouldn’t budge and kept asking me what my address was. I then asked him if he was Australian, and he said no he was travelling also. Wrong answer. I asked him how he got his mobile phone registered. He didn’t answer me so I hung up. I made Louise try as I had been as polite as I could and wouldn’t be able to bite my tongue if I had the same experience as before. She told the operator that she was a backpacker and didn’t have an address. Do you know what he said? Don’t worry we’ll make one up.

FRIDAY 20TH FEBRUARY

We haven’t seen much of our host Pat. When she said we could have the run of the house she meant it. Pat does have a dog to entertain us , Jessie. In the past few years it has come to my attention that I’m allergic to long haired dogs and dog hair in general. It’s not nice, every time I get within about 6 feet of Jess I start to sneeze and my eyes start watering. I feel like a bag of shit.
For something to do we go for a drive along the north-west coast of Tasmania. After driving for about 45 mins we arrive in Stanley. Stanley has a population of around 600 and is described by the Australian AA equivalent as “ a quaint township with many interesting and historic buildings, particularly the waterfront.” it is also the birthplace of former Prime Minister Joseph Lyons and it also home to Circular Head a 500ft (150m) volcanic rock formation more commonly known as ‘The Nut.’ This was interesting enough for Louise to insist on getting another magnet for her collection featuring ‘The Nut.’
We drove for another hour or so and visited a couple more towns, Smithton: we didn’t get out the car as it didn’t seem very interesting, I‘m probably wrong though, and Irishtown: the village was so small we drove through it without realising. It has one shop six or seven houses and an AFL/cricket pitch.

SATURDAY 21ST FEBRUARY

Today Pat came out with us as we wanted to check out the local farmers’ market. It had been advertised on the TV over the last few days so I said we should go as it was something to do. Pat had said it wasn’t as big as it looked on TV but I was insistent. We got there and immediately realised she was right; it took us less than 15 minutes to walk round and I only bought 3 parsnips for tea. For something else to do we visited the local cheese factory. I love cheese, the bluer and smellier the better. There were loads, some with bell peppers, some with spring onion, one even had chillies in and tasted like crap. After an hour of eating strange cheeses we headed back, all of us feeling a little sick.
Pat went to work in the afternoon so we went down the local hotel - it doesn’t sound right does it, so from now on I’m putting what it should be: pub. The beer in Australia is quite nice; I’ve been told by everyone it’s crap. When you go to the hotel pub you notice most Aussies don’t drink pints, they drink either halves or schooners (¾ of a pint), supposedly it’s because it gets warm. I reckon they just need to drink quicker. Whilst we were at the pub there was a singer on at 20:00p.m. She finally came on stage at 21:15p.m during which time Louise coerced me into drinking 12 schooners (the pub we went to didn’t sell pints). We watched her perform just two songs because Louise thought she was crap. We went home (not ours, Pat’s) and ate. I fell asleep in front of the TV because I was a little drunk.

SUNDAY 22ND FEBRUARY

Today we went to visit the local lighthouse, it was only a short journey and it passed the time. We got to the lighthouse and took a few pictures of the view. Wherever we’ve been along the northern coast of Tasmania the views are fantastic, the sea is blue, the sky is clear and you can see for miles(km’s if you’re Australian). Today was a little cloudy and cool but the view was still really good. When I turned around to get back in the car, there was a massive spider sat on the bonnet. I’m shit scared of spiders, especially Aussie ones of which I have no idea whether or not they’re dangerous. I spent the next hour watching its every move, conscious of where it was going to go and hide. It finally went under the bonnet, this made me paranoid of it coming through the air-con vents.
I also saw my first wild kangaroo today. It was dead on the side of the road. In total I saw 17 dead kangaroos 2 dead wombats/possums and 1 dead Tasmanian devil and approximately 500 sheep.

MONDAY 23RD FEBRUARY

Today was my least productive day since arriving in Australia. I sat in my shorts and watched Jaws (still my second favourite film of all time after The Exorcist) and then the ‘Oscars.’ There were no major surprises, least of all Heath Ledger’s posthumous award (OK it was thoroughly deserved but wouldn’t you have been pissed off if you were up for the same award knowing that HL was a shoe-in, even more so because he was dead.). I thought Hugh Jackman was really good as host, the Aussie press were lauding him up all week, so I was expecting him to be crap. Louise made a roast dinner for tea; it’s the first proper home cooked roast I’ve had in 4 months and it was immense.

TUESDAY 24TH FEBRUARY

It’s our last day in Wynyard, we’re heading for Hobart to visit a friend of Louise's she’d met while travelling four years ago. It has been really nice to have stayed in a real house with a person who’s not after your money. As a thank you, we took Pat out for dinner. It was the least we could have done as she saved us a couple of hundred quid just on digs. She said that we didn’t have to and reiterated that we were welcome back and the door would always open.

Australia, Finally! (12-16/2/09)

THURSDAY 12TH FEBRUARY

Our bags are packed and we’re ready for Australia. First though we’re going to visit a volcano in the north of the island. After a two hour journey we finally arrive at the top of the mountains and we’re faced with a blanket of fog. Somewhere behind said blanket is supposed to be an active volcano. Having spent 15 minutes there and getting two pictures of what looks like the side of a hill we leave and head back via Ubud. There’s nothing to see as it’s pissing down there as well.
Back in Kuta we decide to pick up some tat and DVD’s for more rainy nights in. This turns out to be a little bit difficult as I only have 7 000Rupiah (43p) in my pocket and Lloyds TSB have cancelled both credit cards and both debit cards for the second time in three days, and we have a taxi to the airport in less than an hour.
So, we’re stuck in the middle of Bali with about enough change to keep a tramp from hassling you for five minutes and no way of getting any more. But wait! I hear you cry, what about the laptop and all the free wireless points? This is a no-go as all the wireless connections in the vicinity have gone down. Instead we spend the next 45 minutes looking for an internet cafe with Skype access. We find one and after Louise gives the bank a deserved ear bashing and spending 40 minutes trying to explain to them that you need to ring first before you stop our cards, Lloyds reactivate the cards and we have some money.
A twenty minute taxi ride and we arrive at the airport with an hour or so to spare. Check-in is pretty quiet as most people have turned up at the correct 2 hours before departure time. The ticket desk are taking an awfully long time to check us in. When I ask what the problem is, I’m told that we don’t have an Australian Visa. The day goes from bad to worse. When we booked our flights the company told us that when you book with us you get a free Australian Tourist Visa valid for 3 months. It only costs £10 but it’s better in my pocket than someone else’s. I explain this to the check-in lady using my English charm to the best of my ability with absolutely zero success. She’s not budging; I can go to Singapore, but no further. Now we have to fork out US$25 each for an Australian Visa that somehow lasts 12 months, yet in the UK you can only get a 3 month one. I think that we have been conned big time. The baggage finally goes through and we head off to our departure gate. Before we get there we have to pay 150 000Rupiah (£9) each, departure tax. In my wallet I have only 220 000R(£13) and S$16(£7) after I only withdrew 500 000R(£29) earlier. I give Louise enough money to get past the bastard in the box and I have to change S$14 to get enough Rupiah to pay my departure tax. This leaves us with 17 000R(£1) and S$2(94p) between us and 3 hours to kill at Singapore Changi Airport.
I officially hate Bali and I officially hate the Balinese immigration officers. It cost us US$25(£18) each to get in and US$14(£9) each to leave. All it did while we were there was rain.

FRIDAY 13TH FEBRUARY

We have a good flight in from Bali and arrive at Changi. Louise gets straight on the phone to our flight operator and demands an explanation as to why we had to pay for our Australian Visas. She gets one and a full refund.
We head through security and passport control; no problems whatsoever, and get on the plane. I tell the air steward about our shitty day, it does no good as my attempt to secure an upgrade fails due to H&S regulations and the credit-crunch (The airline get pissed when upgrades are dished out willy-nilly and it ends up costing them money.).
I still hate flying, but the flight to Kingsford-Smith Airport in Sydney is very pleasant and comfortable. Singapore Airways treat economy passengers very well. You get fed at least twice on long-haul and have plenty of films and TV programmes to watch. This is essential for a nervous wreck like me, I can watch CSI and Curb Your Enthusiasm to my heart’s content, without worrying if the plane is about to fall into the ocean.
We land in Sydney at 07:30a.m local time having been travelling for 15 hours. We are greeted by rain. Are you fucking kidding me? This is Australia. Last week it was 40C(104F) but as soon as I touch down the heavens open and Noah’s in business again with his Ark. Still at least it’s not Bali. A rather terrifying bus ride that lasted an eternity and we arrive at our hostel. It’s in the King’s Cross district of Sydney and is exactly the same as KC in London. It’s full of tramps, wino’s and prostitutes, but beggars can’t be choosers so we’re staying here in a 6-bed mixed dorm.
After getting unpacked and settled in we get mingling with our dorm-mates. There’s a guy from Scunthorpe named Alan, a German named Herman (Honest.), a Kiwi whose name I can’t remember simply because he was so boring. The final member of the dorm is an English lad from Milton Keynes named Mark, he appears from nowhere or so it seemed.
Me, Louise, Alan and Herman the German all go to the off-license to get some cheap(er) alcohol before we head out for the night. If you’ve never been to Australia then the alcohol and gambling laws are quite different to back home. All bars (they call them hotels for some reason) have the option to act as bookmakers and have gaming machines (pokies) on the premises, albeit in a separate room. They’re also allowed to act as an off-license. The only other place you can buy alcohol is the bottle shop (off-license) and these sell alcohol at about 70% of the price of the bars. It’s not much of a saving compared to the UK where you can get 54 cans of lager for the price of 8 pints in a pub. So although you can gamble big and get pissed all under one roof, you can’t get cheap alcohol at the supermarket. I don’t get it.
After stocking up on 2 boxes of goon wine we start our socialising. The night is a good one. Herman has to get up early for his Responsible Server of Alcohol exam, so after 10 glasses of goon wine he calls it a night. However, me, Louise and Alan head for town. It starts badly as me and Louise forget our ID, although I’m 27 and Louise is 32 it doesn’t matter, so we go back to the hostel and pick up our driving licenses. The rest of the night is pretty much a haze of alcohol, good music, photographs and take-away food.

SATURDAY 14TH FEBRUARY

The morning arrives and the room smells like stale beer. Everyone’s rough as arseholes except for Herman who’s remarkably cheery after passing his exam. Alan’s wet through as he left the window next to his bed open and it rained all night.
Louise and I decide to go and book some trips for later on in the tour of Australia. We have to travel through a soggy Sydney after the rain doesn’t relent. The travel agent we need to get to is on Bondi Beach and is a 45 min bus ride away because all the trains have been stopped for essential (sic)maintenance. When we arrive at Bondi and I’m surprised to see it’s a lot smaller than I thought. We can’t go as it’s still raining and we’re wrapped up in Gore-Tex. I won’t be swimming in the sea here anyway as there are too many sharks around. After repeatedly saying I won’t be going in the water before we got here, and Louise telling me to stop being stupid, a Navy diver got savaged and then two days later a surfer was attacked on Bondi (the first attack in 80 years). So I’m well within my rights to not be going in.
The evening is spent in on the phone catching up with what’s going on at home. Alan and Mark go out on the piss again, Herman watches a film, and I couldn’t give a shit what boring bollocks does, he’s so dull though all he did was sleep.

SUNDAY 15TH FEBRUARY

Mark and Alan woke me and Louise up at 06:00a.m. They came in pissed up after a night spent in the local Working Men’s Club after being refused entry to a nightclub for being too casually dressed!
We’re supposed to be going to watch the 20/20 international between Australia and New Zealand at the Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG), but it’s still raining and it’s not looking good. I’m hoping the sun comes out and we get to see the match. Louise is even looking forward to the game and she doesn’t even like cricket!
At 15:30p.m the rain stops and we decide to chance it and head towards the SCG. It turns out to be the right decision. The rain stays off for the next 8 hours apart from one 20 minute spell during the women’s warm-up game.
The game itself is a cracker. Australia win the toss and elect to bat. They score 150 off their 20 overs, I think they’re 10 runs short, but we’ll see. David Hussey top scores with 41 and Daniel Vettori is as tight as ever returning figures of 4-0-23-1, justifying his rank as the world’s number 1 20/20 bowler. I’m looking forward to seeing Brendan McCullum bat. I think he is the best and the most exciting batsmen in the world in this form of cricket. I was so confident in his abilities I had a sly AU$10 at 7/2 he would top score for NZ. NZ get off to a slow start, but are well within reach of the target having 7 wickets in hand and McCullum’s still at the crease. McCullum turns it up a notch with the help of Broome (36) and Elliott (23) putting the Kiwi’s in a good position. With 3 overs to go the Kiwi’s need 30 runs, not difficult in this form of the game. McCullum goes for a big hit over deep mid-wicket and gets caught on the boundary by Adam Voges. It is without a doubt the best catch EVER. Voges is right on the boundary edge and catches the ball, however his momentum is taking him over the boundary and if he still has the ball in his hands it will be a 6. Before he steps over the rope he throws the ball up, steps off the field, recomposes himself, steps back on the field and catches the ball diving slightly forward. I’d like to see evidence of a better catch but I doubt there is one. It will be shown on replays for a long time to come. I was there and I will remember it fondly.
That catch wins Australia the match as NZ can’t reach the target without Brendan McCullum’s input. Even a four and a six off the last two balls by his brother Nathan isn’t enough to see NZ over the line and they finish one run short on 149. Brendan McCullum top scored for NZ with 61 so I’m AU$45 better off.
Within two minutes of the players leaving the field the heavens open and we’re faced with a torrential downpour for the remainder of the night. I don’t care I’ve had a brilliant night and Louise is pretty happy as well.

MONDAY 16TH FEBRUARY

Today I thought we were supposed to be leaving Sydney and heading off to Tasmania. We’re not, it’s tomorrow. Luckily I checked the e-mails otherwise we’d be sat at the airport waiting for a plane that isn’t going to turn up for another 24 hours.
After realising our mistake me, Louise and Alan head out to the city centre (Mark left for NZ this morning.); the rain is still staying away for now. We walked to the harbour and had a look at the bridge and the opera house. I also saw all the Navy ships; it was here the first the shark attack occurred. When I come back to Sydney I’m going to climb the Harbour Bridge, Louise did it four years ago. I’m always going to be behind when it comes to things like this as Louise has visited most of Australia.
We didn’t spend too long at the harbour as the heavens opened again, so it was off to take shelter in the nearest pub/bingo hall/bookmaker/casino. While it rained for the next two hours we watched the Sydney southsiders get wet. The best part was watching the overhead train drench the people walking underneath the monorail track. It happened at least five times and got funnier with each successive drowning.
We got back to the hostel and were greeted by two new room-mates. We spent the next 4 hours drinking and getting ready for our last night on the town. We went to the only bar that was open and spent the next few hours drinking AU$6, 3 pint jugs. Bargain. After a few more ales and watching the English slappers losing their remaining dignity, we left. It was nearly 03:00a.m and we had to be out of the hostel at 09:00a.m.

WHO’LL STOP THE RAIN (2-11/2/09)

MONDAY 2ND FEBRUARY

We got on the MRT early enabling us to make it to Changi Airport with plenty of time to spare. Our next stop was Bali, Indonesia. Hopefully we would be able to sit by the pool or on the beach and do nothing else. After a reasonably good flight (That’s about the best I can hope for, I’m still an extremely nervous flyer.) we arrived in Denpasar, the Balinese capital. We were greeted by a torrential downpour, not what I was expecting on the tropical island.
A short taxi ride and we arrived at the hotel in Legian beach; we were to be here for a week. The first room we were given had no internet signal and was at a separate complex to the restaurant and swimming pool, so we asked to move. This wasn’t a problem for the staff and they moved us immediately. The porter was very helpful with the bags, and with moving rooms without any fuss we thought that this was going to be a nice friendly hotel. We had a couple of drinks and went to get a few things from the 7-11(still open 24hours.)and went to bed early for a change, ready for a day on the beach.

TUESDAY 3RD FEBRUARY

Woke up to late and so we missed breakfast, instead we planned to go out and grab a bite to eat. This wasn’t possible as it was still belting it down outside. The rain lasted for about five hours so we ended up staying in the hotel room and watching a film or two.
Around 16:00p.m we eventually got out and went to check out the local sights and sounds. There weren’t many places open and there was hardly anyone about. The rain returned less than two hours after it had stopped so we went back to the room.
The evening was spent having a few drinks and watching a covers band at the hotel. They were ok; I’ve seen a lot worse, most of them now take up the UK top 40. Off to bed, hopefully the weather will get better tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY 4TH FEBRURY

It’s still raining. There are less people about and the room is starting to smell like backed-up drains. We had to stay in because there is nothing to do. Went for some tea and saw another good covers band. That’s it.

THURSDAY 5TH FEBRUARY

I got up at 04:00a.m to watch Liverpool lose to the ‘Dirty Toffees’ in the English F.A Cup. It went to extra time so I didn’t get back to sleep until 07:00a.m.
I woke up again at 10:00a.m and there was a nice surprise waiting outside: the sun had come out to play. About time, it had been raining solid for 3 days and the smell in the room was becoming worse. We went to check out the beach. It wasn’t a nice experience; because of the storms all the crap from the sea had washed up on the beach making it hard to even walk across. The only people who were about were the dedicated surfers, even though the sun was shining and it was by all accounts a very pleasant day. Instead we went for a swim in the hotel pool. This was a refreshing change from the four walls of our room.
In the evening, and after me putting a lot of pressure on Louise, we went out and had a couple of drinks. This turned into a few more and then about 01:00a.m it was home time because I was a little drunk.

FRIDAY 6TH FEBRUARY

I woke up with a rotten head this morning, I didn’t think I was that drunk. It must be all the chemicals in the Bintang lager. The rain has returned, worse than before. Because Louise feels as crap as I do we stayed in and watched Australia. I’m not the biggest fan of mega-budget blockbusters, I can take or leave Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, and I thought Baz Luhrman’s version of Romeo and Juliet was shit. However this movie is awesome, the effects, the story, the location and the acting make it two and half hours well spent. All is forgiven Baz.
There was not much else doing apart from eating and a bit of interweb surfing. The rain’s starting to get on my nerves now, and the room smells even more. Although it’s pissing down outside, the humidity is high and the air-con hasn’t worked since Wednesday. We’re having to make do with a fan that’s blowing hot air around. I want to leave this hotel and go somewhere else. The staff aren’t bothered about us as we’ve paid for the room upfront.

SATURDAY 7TH FEBRUARY

The rain is still coming down. However it’s Saturday and that means a nice restaurant and a night on the town. * Although we’re travelling for a year and everyday is like a weekend when it comes to partying and going out on the town, we’re on a budget. In any case Saturday night is still Saturday night wherever you are. *
We went to a really nice restaurant for tea and then spent the next 8 hours getting slashed up. This wasn’t the best idea as I was supposed to take it steady as I wanted to watch Liverpool at 01:30a.m. I didn’t last, as anybody who knows me will testify, if I don’t leave when I’ve had too much to drink I WILL fall to sleep either where I’m sat or on the toilet.

SUNDAY 8TH FEBRUARY

Ow! My head hurts. Last night I’ve said something wrong to Louise and now she won’t talk to me. I need to eat and get some fluids in me.
As it was still raining I spent most of the afternoon sat in the pub watching the ODI between Aus and NZ. I was surrounded by Aussies so hopefully they’ll lose; I never want them to win cricket matches, the same goes for SA and India. It’s not because I’m racist, it’s because deep down I know they’re all better teams than England and sport fans are a fickle bunch.
I went back to the room to see if Louise would talk to me. After a lot of shouting on Louise’s part and apologising on mine, we finally sorted things. For my behaviour last night I was dispatched to buy KFC as punishment.

MONDAY 9TH FEBRUARY

Hooray! We get to leave this crappy hotel and go to what looks like a nicer one (on the interweb anyway) in Kuta. No apologies about the smell or the air-con not working. We didn’t even get any help with our bags.
The new hotel was very picturesque. There was a nice garden with a bar and the pool looked in decent condition. The room was very large, the air-con wasn’t the greatest but at least it worked to some degree. We had a little area to prepare food and a good fridge. There was only one English spoken channel on the TV, so hopefully the rain stays off and we don’t have to watch it.
We went to do a bit of shopping, it saves a fair bit of money if you’re staying somewhere for more than a couple days and you have the option of making yourself a snack. I tried to get an adapter for the plugs; the bloke wanted US$10. Ram it; I’ll do without for a bit longer.
I spent some of the afternoon having a bit of a swim and relaxing. It didn’t last too long though because low and behold it rained a bit more. This weather is really starting to piss me off. The evening involved getting food and then going back to the room to watch Yes Man, the new Jim Carrey Film. It is funny in parts, could be better.

TUESDAY 10th FEBRUARY

Not much happening. It’s STILL raining. We had to change rooms due to an invasion of ants. We stayed in and played LEGO® Indiana Jones on the PC. This is what my dream holiday has come down to; sitting in a crappy hotel room playing a game aimed at 5-15 year olds.

WEDNESDAY 11TH FEBRUARY

Fuck me! It rained so hard and for so long last night that the ceiling caved in. Now I want to leave this island. The staff at this hotel give less of shit than the previous hotel. With realising this we went to the airport and booked the next flight out of Bali. We’re going to visit a volcano tomorrow morning, and then we get a plane to Sydney, Australia via Singapore (for the third time this trip.).

HOW MUCH? (31/1-1/2/09)

SATURDAY 31ST JANUARY

The bus journey at 08:00a.m, was very comfortable and quick, and got us to Johor in plenty of time. All you do when you arrive at the border is buy a bus ticket for about 20p and that takes you to the rest of the immigration points; all you have to do when you get there is smile and fill out the departure and arrival cards. The easiest border crossing I’ve had to negotiate. Louise on the other hand had to wait about half an hour for the immigration officer to fill out the cards for two Malaysians. That wasn’t really the problem; they were holding up a queue they shouldn’t have been in in the first place.
Finally we made it to the nearest SMRT to make a train to Al-Junied station. Easy. Welcome to Singapore, everything’s simple and everywhere is spotless. However, the only currency they take at the SMRT is the Singapore Dollar. No use then having about £75 worth of Malaysian Ringgits. If you go to Singapore use the MRT to get anywhere that’s more than a 20 min walk. It’s so cheap and clean, you’re not allowed to eat or drink inside the stations or the trains.
We made it to our hostel at around 14:00p.m, even though we went the wrong way for about 10 mins. The booking even said turn left as you exit the station, not, walk past the grass and turn left down the street.
An hour or so later we were showered and changed and ready to head out for the day. The first stop on the mini break was a visit to Raffles Hotel. The establishment itself is very exclusive when it comes to letting any Tom, Dick or Harry through into the foyer. I was wearing shorts; this automatically disqualified me from entering the building through the guest only entrance. I wouldn’t have argued if that was a fixed rule, but no more than one minute earlier a man in shorts had just vacated the building from said exclusive area: he wasn’t even staying there. It must have been my substandard appearance. We were eventually escorted round the corner to the long bar. Ok so the Singapore Sling was invented here in this bar, it doesn’t mean they should cost S$22(£10.48) each, they cost more than that though because we got a glass at S$10 as well. We drank that in pretty quick time, not sure if there was going to be a charge for loitering; they charged for everything else except the nuts so I wouldn’t have been surprised. Talking of nuts, that’s the best part of the experience, throwing monkey nut shells all over this five star hotels’ tiled bar floor. Everyone’s allowed to do it, even the ones in shorts. If it wasn’t already the most costly alcoholic beverage I’d bought in my life, I was intrigued to see what a S$18.50(£8.81) pint of lager tasted like. I can tell you that it was ok, but a £2.50 pint of Carling’s better.

So the final bar bill read like this:

2 x Singapore Sling S$44
1 x Raffles Glass S$10
2 x Tiger Lager Pint S$37
Service Charge @10% S$9.10
GST @ 7% S$7
Total S$107.10

S$107.10 for 4 drinks is a little extortionate, especially in these uncertain financial times and even more so because I really am not rich, even though I’m travelling the world (Hard work kids, it really pays off.). I advise everyone to stay away from this bar, unless you really can afford it (In which case go wild!), and especially if you’re not used to paying more than 3 quid a drink!
The spending for the day didn’t ease up. We went on a little cruise up and down the river. For nearly 20 quid it should have been longer than 30 minutes. Then we got collared by a restaurant on the quayside that offered us 2 free drinks each. We felt obliged to eat there. The attitude changed when we got a bill for S$80(£38). We only had 2 dishes and some rice. Anywhere else in Asia it would have been less than a tenner. I managed to get the tax and service knocked off with a little English charm; I’ve got that in abundance you know.
So after a very expensive day we went back to the hostel on the MRT. No problems; other than the fact I almost got in a fight with a prick with no manners who barged into me and a young Japanese girl whilst getting off the train. If you apologise I have no problems, but rudeness is intolerable.

SUNDAY 1ST FEBRUARY

After spending a ridiculous amount of money yesterday, the majority of the day was spent in the hostel, checking e-mails and the like. We did venture out for a bite to eat, but nothing of any interest happened if I’m totally honest.
The evening didn’t see much change. Long Dave finally got his webcam to work after 3 months of trying (Long Dave’s my best mate and rubbish with technological advances. It’s a little worrying because he drives a tower crane for a living.), so I could finally see who I was talking to. At 11:00p.m, we went out to watch the football. We couldn’t find anywhere other than a really expensive expat place. If it wasn’t buy on get one free it would have been S$16 plus tax and service of 17% a pint. We only had two drinks each, and with a taxi back to the hostel as it was 02:30a.m, it cost us the best part of £30.

WHICH BUS? (28-30/1/09)

WEDNESDAY 28TH JANUARY

I had the worst sleep ever last night. This was due entirely due to the couple in the next room having the biggest row in the world ever. This wouldn’t really bother me except that the fella was a bit pissed by the sounds of it, and he kept throwing things and the woman sounded quite scared. If this wasn’t bad enough, they were arguing about me! At first Louise didn’t believe me. This quickly changed when I explained what had happened earlier on in the day. When I say what happened, there wasn’t anything that happened, it’s more of a none story to be honest. I was having a conversation with the woman, and then he (the husband) turned up in a towel, having just been for a shower. That was it, nothing more, nothing less. I wasn’t doing the deed with her or anything like that, I was stood in the doorway talking to her, and that was it. Eventually, around 02:00a.m, the sparring session stopped.
The next day I saw the husband. He didn’t even have the decency to look at me. I think he was slightly embarrassed by his actions. The green eyed monster gets people like that sometimes.
Later on that afternoon we left the city of Kuala Lumpur; our next destination was to be Melacca (Melaka). This was to be our last stop in Malaysia before we went to Singapore for the weekend. We arrived quite late in the afternoon at Melaka bus station. The terminal is about three miles out of town and unless you want to pay over the odds for a taxi, you have to get the local bus. This isn’t a problem for the locals. For a fat, white boy from England who speaks no foreign languages to anything above Mickey Mouse level (Je m’appelle David, Ich bin Lederhosonkopf ©J. McNally circa 1995. Anyway French and German would be no use here.), and whose English is riddled with colloquialisms and slang it was going to be harder than reading a Salman Rushdie novel.
After following the map we were given (It was more like a seven year olds version of a treasure map, rather than a Texaco road map.), and the six or seven people we spoke to, we finally got on the right bus (it was also the one we first wanted to get on, but were told no.). Another 45 mins on the bus and we were at our guesthouse. Very cheap, and almost cheerful, we were at our new home for the next 3 nights.

THURSDAY 29TH JANUARY

After getting up late, unintentionally mind, we went to see the town in the daylight. It is a very pleasant town to look at. There are a lot of places to visit in the old town, there’s a fair bit of history in the place. There are also a lot of different influences; there’s Portuguese, Dutch, British, Chinese and Indian. Whilst we were there it was mainly a party town for the Chinese immigrants, as it was still part of the New Year celebrations. We went around Chinatown, and it was very nice. There were people doing craftwork, a huge amount of food stalls, selling all the local delicacies, and lots of music. This is what I expected KL’s Chinatown area to be more like.
In the afternoon we went for a stroll along the river. Whilst we were having a drink, the Japanese family we met at KL City Park happened to walk by. Not only were they still very friendly, the young daughter was still going on about Bambi. My Japanese hadn’t come on leaps and bounds in the last three days; Bambi is still Bambi in any language.
In the evening I achieved another first in my life. Tonight I ate an Indian meal the traditional way for the first time, with my hands, (Well it’s really just one hand, your right one.) using a banana leaf as a plate. It was a strange experience but one I would definitely do again. Not at home mind you, there aren’t banana leaves in abundance, and I don’t think eating a Jalfrezi from the local Punjab Palace with one hand is going to be as easy, especially when you’ve just had 10 pints of cider.

FRIDAY 30TH JANUARY

Most of today was spent travelling to and from the nightmare that is the local bus terminal. It took us over an hour and a half to get there. This was because the bus stop we got off at last time suddenly became one that was no longer in use on the day we wanted. Then after walking along the bus route to see if we could pick it up, it drove past us with the conductor and the driver watching and waving at the pair of us. We had to get a taxi in the end.
We booked our bus ticket to Johor Bahru; it’s easier than going straight to Singapore. That took us all of five minutes. We then had to go back. Logical thinking suggests that the bus that you got two days ago would be the same one you’d get now, especially if it had the same number and it was at the exact same stop as the previous day. Oh no, that would be too simple. So having got on what we thought would be the right bus (I don’t know what we were thinking, getting on the bus with the same number that was departing from the same stop. Thinking logically that’s for fools.), and getting our ticket off the same conductor who had been waving at us no more than two hours ago. We were driven around Melaka for another hour, on a completely different route, seeing nothing that was familiar and getting a little worried. Finally we arrived at the rear entrance to the main shopping centre, completely oblivious to how we got here. My sense of direction is rubbish at the best of times, but I know I’d never been to any of the destinations on that bus route before. I think we might have had to get off the bus when around twenty people got off, I’m not too sure though, I still don’t speak Bahasa.
We had to then go to the post office and send home Louise’s box of tat that was getting bigger by the day. It costs an absolute fortune to send anything home from abroad, even by sea it cost us almost as much as the things we were sending home.
Not much else to be said about Melaka, it’s very nice and has plenty of history. If you do have the chance to go, do it, but avoid the bus terminal unless you speak the local language.

Higher And Higher (26-27/1/09)

MONDAY 26TH JANUARY

In the morning we didn't have much planned, as we were waiting for the evening to visit the KL Tower, one of the two major icons of the city along with the Petronas Twin Towers. We did go to the city park that housed amongst other things, the biggest covered aviary in the world, a butterfly park and a deer park. It was supposedly just around the corner from the hostel but as I have come to appreciate, real concepts of time and distance are something to take with a bucket load of salt when being explained by locals.
We live in England, and I'm originally from Lincolnshire, and Louise is from Cheshire, both of which are very rural and have quite a decent population of deer. Louise said, 'But they're not city deer like these in the park.' 'No dear, they're not,' was my subdued response.
It took us about three hours to arrive at the deer park, having passed through or around the other, rather fetching, parks. After spending about half an hour, and going back and forth a couple of times, we eventually got in. On the way in we met a very nice Japanese family and ended up taking their daughter, who was more excited about seeing the deer than Louise, around the park with us. Mind you she was only about six and the only word that she said that I understood was 'Bambi.' She was a bit of a chatterbox, even her mother said so, and was insistent that she stayed the night with all the Bambi's.
Later in the early evening we went up the KL towers at 1 382ft (421 m) it is quite high, although a lot of that is the antenna. Louise's fear of heights came to a head again and it took her almost an hour to get to the edge and look out over the city. The view was pretty good, it was a clear day (except for the smog) and we got a fairly good look at the vastness of the city. There isn't much to see when you look at a metropolis like KL other than a lot of big buildings. There was the park where we were earlier, but it's better close up. KL is just too grey and not green enough.
Although we went around an hour too early and had to spend that time just sitting and waiting; if you went out you had to pay to go in again. We eventually got to see KL in the day time and night time. The night time is quite a sight. Just because of the amount of lights and the size of some of the buildings. It makes it look a bit like Christmas.


TUESDAY 27TH JANUARY

Today we went to the Petronas Twin Towers. It's free to get in (unlike the KL tower), but you have to be there stupidly early as it's on a 'first come, first served basis,' and there are only around 1 400 tickets, and that includes pre-scheduled trips for schools and the like. We arrived at 08:30a.m. We thought was early as they don't start giving out tickets until 09:00a.m. Oh no. When we got there there was around 400-500 people already queued up waiting and most of them were queuing for more than just their own ticket. We did get a ticket, but only just, our visit time was 16:15p.m, seven hours away!
During the ensuing wait Louise went to buy some bus tickets, for our next stop Melacca (Melaka). She said inside was absolutely mental as the holiday was nearing an end and a lot of people were leaving the city.
At 15;45p.m, we went back to the towers for our alloted time at 16:15p.m. There we were met by a ice lady who took our bags and gave us some 3D glasses, the sort you would get free with a 1950's American sci-fi magazine. They were not easy to wear especially when you have corrective lenses on underneath. The glasses were for a 7 min presentation on the building of the twin towers. This wasn't really what it was. It was more of a 7 minute advert for the oil conglomerate who put there name to the tower. After watching the adverts we then went to visit the sky bridge. On the way up to the 41st floor in the lift, Louise was already getting clammy hands and her heart was racing. The bridge itself is a stunning piece of modern architecture, and gives you some spectacular views of the concrete mass below. Although the twin towers are themselves 1 482.6 ft (451.9 m) high, the sky bridge is only 557 ft (170m) above ground. Inside the bridge it feels a bit strange knowing that there is nothing below you until the ground, but it is also quite a cool feeling. You have to be quick if you want to pose and take pictures as you only get 10mins inside. This isn't really long enough if you have to spend seven of those minutes trying to persuade your other half that it'll be OK if she stands by the glass, she won't fall out.