Halong A Minute (06-11/12/08)

SATURDAY 6TH DECEMBER

Woke up full of the joys of the season and decided to try and navigate around the madhole that is Hanoi. Had a walk to the museum thing that is in the middle of the roundabout/lake. Took a few pictures but couldn't get any decent one s due to the dreaded Japanese tourists being in every single one. The Fuckers. Went looking for some dog meat to eat but didn't find any.I will before I leave try some. Having failed to secure some dog meat for tea we opted for KFC. KFC is the worlds number 1chicken related fast food outlet chain. Q:What is the one thing that you do not expect KFC to run out of? A:Chicken. What did the Hanoi branch of KFC run out of, you guessed it CHICKEN. I must write to the Colonel to show my displeasure. Had to have rice for tea again! Went to watch the football in a quiet bar whilst next door the Vietnamese were having a massive party in a tiny pub. After the match had finished around 11:30p.m we went to go in the aforementioned pub. Unbelievably it had closed and was completely empty. I think the Viet Cong must have some tunnels still knocking around somewhere as there is no other explanation for the quick disappearance.

SUNDAY 7TH DECEMBER

Don't really know what time I got up as there was a massive power cut in Hanoi in the night and no alarms went off. Apparently it's a regular occurrence. Eventually when the electricity returned I watched the De La Hoya-Pacquiao fight just to see who would fight Hatton next year. Did a bit more sightseeing and went to the local market to by some cheap crap again. Bought some ipod speakers for less than 2 quid, a model of a pedal cyclo for less than 3 quid, and best of all a bottle of Gordon's gin for a fiver. It did however have a sticker on it saying 'Singapore Duty Not Paid.' Still it doesn't mean I shouldn't buy it and it does mean that we get massively ripped off at home at about 15 quid a bottle. Had a more successful venture to KFC today as Louise was craving it. Sat in bed eating it and watched The Rock on T.V.

MONDAY 8TH DECEMBER

Got woken up really early by the hustle and bustle of the, on first appearance seemed to be, impromptu street market outside our window. It kept going quiet and then becoming noisy every so often, which confused me a little. Turned out the market sellers weren't supposed to be there so every time the police came they all had to run and hide in the shops for fear of being prosecuted/bribed/beaten. Had a few beers in the afternoon whilst I finished my sixth book of the trip. I didn't read that many books while I was in secondary school. After I'd finished the book I decided make use of my day by noting down all the beers that I've tasted so far. After I leave SE Asia I'm going to compile the complete list, so far I'm up to about 20. Went to the travel agent to book a mini cruise to Halong Bay and get out of the city for a few days. Although it's no where near as dirty as Bangkok it's still a big Asian city and it's a bit too hectic for me.

TUESDAY 9TH DECEMBER

Up at 6:30a.m for a 7:45a.m pick up to Halong Bay. The bus was nice and prompt at 8:30a.m. It wasn't too bad a journey as the roads in Vietnam between the main cities are quite a high standard. Stood around for quite a bit waiting for our Junk boat to arrive. Finally got on the boat to discover our double room was just two single beds pushed together. Met up with our guide who although didn't look like, did sound exactly like Ting-Tong off of Little Britain (Oh, Mister Duddwy). Did some walking round some caves that were full of stalactites. They did look really good but for the cheap lights that made it look like a 1980's roller disco. Also did some kayaking around all the big limestone karsts and isles that adorn the bay in various shapes and sizes. It was strange being the only two people anywhere, paddling in the middle of these great big rocks at that moment in time, you could just hear the sound of silence. Went back and Louise nearly fell out of the kayak. At night we relaxed on the boat with a few gins and retired to bed at about 9:30p.m. It's pretty tiring doing stuff on a relaxing holiday.

WEDNESDAY 10TH DECEMBER

Breakfast was cold, greasy fried eggs and some cold hard toast like my sister Amy used to insist on having as she didn't like it hot (she even put it in the fridge to cool down when we were kids). Went for a walk or bike ride around monkey island, it was our choice. When we booked it we were adamant (not Adam Ant) we were going to bike around the island. However, when we got there there weren't any mountain bikes, only Hovis bread bikes, so we decided to go on the walk. Big mistake. On the map the walk is only around 800m as the crow flies, but when its up hill it works out closer to a mile. MAGIC!!! Although it was fairly shaded it was about 80% humidity so I was sweating like the proverbial pig, especially in a long sleeve t-shirt as the previous hotel had stolen my Liverpool shirt, the last clean short sleeved t-shirt that I thought I had. It could have been a lot worse though at least I had walking boots on. Louise, because we were supposed to go on bikes, had opted for flip-flops leaving her boots on the boat. In the afternoon we went to the beach and relaxed in the sun, all the while Louise cursed me for making her walk up the hill which was 200m high as well as a mile to the top. Stopped in an expensive hotel for the night, this is where the 50 dollars extra went that we spent, compared to half the people on our boat. Did get a pretty good slap up meal but it wasn't worth $50. Went for a walk around the harbour with another couple, James and Josie, and tried to explain to them the delicacies of Ritz cracker sandwiches with kraft cheese.

THURSDAY 11TH DECEMBER

Had a slow cruise back to the harbour in the morning for our afternoon bus ride back to Hanoi. So slow in fact that I listened to three albums while Ting-Tong was telling me about the sights in the bay. Arrived on shore at bloody dinnertime, and didn't have time to finish dinner as we were packed on to a mini-bus that had drop down seats in the middle of the aisles, no chance if we crash. Arrived in Hanoi at 5p.m checked in the hotel and went to claim my Liverpool shirt back of the thieves at the last hotel. It took less than 15 minutes for them to locate it and bring it too me. Funny that. With me being 17st of Western bulk and them being 8st Asians it wasn't much of a discussion. Wandered round the town for a bit and booked our sleeper bus to Hue 12 or so hours away. Should be fun.